Hi, all!
Happiest of Fridays to you all! After 11 days in Vermont in sub-Artic temperatures, 3 plane trips and delayed luggage, I'm finally back home with my family. Happiness!
More on my time at the Vermont College of Fine Arts in the MFA in Writing program soon, but for now:
Keowee Valley is the Daily Deal today at Amazon, only $1.99!
I'd greatly appreciate it if you'd share with your friends and fans of historical adventure, on any social media sites you frequent. I'd love to introduce Quinn and Jack, and the Revolutionary-era Southern frontier, to new readers!
Writing. Reading. Teaching. Traveling. Parenting. Partnering. With Eyes Wide and Lookin' Out for the Side Roads.
Friday, January 10, 2014
Keowee Valley the Amazon Daily Deal - TODAY only $1.99
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Tak' a Cup o' Kindness Yet
On this New Year's Eve, I wanted to thank you all for being so good to me over the past year--for reading my novel, Keowee Valley, and falling in love with its characters--especially Quinn and Jack--and the wild Carolina frontier, for taking the time to visit me here and to correspond with me about so many different topics, not the least of which has included the novel, history, politics, parenthood, football, pursuing a MFA in Writing, and how to make the world's best tomato pie.
Your interest and friendship has been kismet and blessing both, and I hope you'll hang in there with me over the next year as I attempt to conquer the world. Kidding. I mean, as I attempt to parent two wee ones, finish my graduate program, and write the next adventure in Quinn's story.
Today, and as an American Scot, I've got to pan the stage light over to the great Scottish bard Robert (or, as the Scots called him, Rabbie) Burns, who's responsible for the timeless and perfect poem "Old Lang Syne." This poem, of course, has become the anthem of New Year's Eve in American and across the world.
Auld Lang Syne
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And auld lang syne?
Chorus:
For auld lang syne, my jo,
For auld lang syne,
We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet
For auld lang syne.
And surely you'll be your pint-stowp
And surely I'll be mine
And we'll tak a cup o' kindness yet
For auld lang syne!
Chorus
We twa hae ran about the braes
And pu'd the gowans fine
But we've wander'd monie a weary fit
Sin' auld lang syne.
Chorus
We twa hae paidl'd in the burn
Frae morning sun til dine,
But seas between us braid hae roar'd
Sin' auld lang syne.
Chorus
And there's a hand, my trusty fiere,
And gie's a hand o' thine,
And we'll tak a right guid-willie waught
For auld lang syne!
Chorus
Burns was a hugely popular poet in his day (the late 1700s); he was also a lyricist and an exciseman, which meant he was in charge of checking on and reporting import items to Scottish ports. And wasn't he a good-looking fellow, too? Like so many of his fellow 18th century poets, he died young. He was 37. But Burns is credited with sharing the Scottish dialect and language with the world. "Old Lang Syne" is said to be a Scottish folk song that he adapted.
BBC News Scotland posted a fantastic article yesterday, about Burns, the song, and how it all came to be.
Burns once wrote:
"My way is: I consider the poetic sentiment, correspondent to my idea of the musical expression, then chuse my theme, begin one stanza, when that is composed—which is generally the most difficult part of the business—I walk out, sit down now and then, look out for objects in nature around me that are in unison or harmony with the cogitations of my fancy and workings of my bosom, humming every now and then the air with the verses I have framed. when I feel my Muse beginning to jade, I retire to the solitary fireside of my study, and there commit my effusions to paper, swinging, at intervals, on the hind-legs of my elbow chair, by way of calling forth my own critical strictures, as my, pen goes."
And a better way of describing a writer's creative process, I've not seen.
I hope that tonight you're all able to give thanks for the "good old days," to meet with dear friends, and to take a cup of kindness for the coming year!
Your interest and friendship has been kismet and blessing both, and I hope you'll hang in there with me over the next year as I attempt to conquer the world. Kidding. I mean, as I attempt to parent two wee ones, finish my graduate program, and write the next adventure in Quinn's story.
Today, and as an American Scot, I've got to pan the stage light over to the great Scottish bard Robert (or, as the Scots called him, Rabbie) Burns, who's responsible for the timeless and perfect poem "Old Lang Syne." This poem, of course, has become the anthem of New Year's Eve in American and across the world.
Auld Lang Syne
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And auld lang syne?
Chorus:
For auld lang syne, my jo,
For auld lang syne,
We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet
For auld lang syne.
And surely you'll be your pint-stowp
And surely I'll be mine
And we'll tak a cup o' kindness yet
For auld lang syne!
Chorus
We twa hae ran about the braes
And pu'd the gowans fine
But we've wander'd monie a weary fit
Sin' auld lang syne.
Chorus
We twa hae paidl'd in the burn
Frae morning sun til dine,
But seas between us braid hae roar'd
Sin' auld lang syne.
Chorus
And there's a hand, my trusty fiere,
And gie's a hand o' thine,
And we'll tak a right guid-willie waught
For auld lang syne!
Chorus
- BBC News Scotland

Burns was a hugely popular poet in his day (the late 1700s); he was also a lyricist and an exciseman, which meant he was in charge of checking on and reporting import items to Scottish ports. And wasn't he a good-looking fellow, too? Like so many of his fellow 18th century poets, he died young. He was 37. But Burns is credited with sharing the Scottish dialect and language with the world. "Old Lang Syne" is said to be a Scottish folk song that he adapted.
BBC News Scotland posted a fantastic article yesterday, about Burns, the song, and how it all came to be.
Burns once wrote:
"My way is: I consider the poetic sentiment, correspondent to my idea of the musical expression, then chuse my theme, begin one stanza, when that is composed—which is generally the most difficult part of the business—I walk out, sit down now and then, look out for objects in nature around me that are in unison or harmony with the cogitations of my fancy and workings of my bosom, humming every now and then the air with the verses I have framed. when I feel my Muse beginning to jade, I retire to the solitary fireside of my study, and there commit my effusions to paper, swinging, at intervals, on the hind-legs of my elbow chair, by way of calling forth my own critical strictures, as my, pen goes."
And a better way of describing a writer's creative process, I've not seen.
I hope that tonight you're all able to give thanks for the "good old days," to meet with dear friends, and to take a cup of kindness for the coming year!
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Show & Tell Tuesday: Christmas Playlist
So, I had a birthday on Saturday, and it was a darn good one.
I stayed in my pajamas all day long, and well into the next day. (Yes, I skipped church. No judging.) They were my really cute, Victoria Secret Fair Isle pajamas. And currently fit me a heck of a lot differently than when I first bought them, but that’s okay.
I lay on the couch in my pajamas with my dog, drank copious amounts of coffee and looked at the Christmas tree while my husband did the lion’s share of caring for our girls.
See–here I am. My dog really likes it when we twine up together on the couch. Man, I love that dog.
I didn’t have to cook at all that day. Now, I realize that by writing this, it makes it sound like I cook a lot. But hey–putting ANY sort of food together is cooking, right? And I didn’t feel like doing it on my birthday. So we ordered out for lunch and dinner. And then I got to watch The Family Stone, which has become one of my personal Christmas classics movies. The casting alone in that movie is perfection. And the writing? Sigh. Just wonderful.
Moving on….
It was a pretty awesome birthday. A birthday, in fact, that I would’ve completely forgotten about if my husband hadn’t reminded me the day before.
Come the end of this week, things are going to get a little nuts in my world. We take off for Christmas travels to both sets of parents/grandparents, come home for a day or two, and then I fly to Vermont for my 11-day winter residency at the Vermont College of Fine Arts, and my MFA in Writing program.
This is what I think about every time I pack for Vermont in the winter:
So, there may be no regular posts here for a bit, seeing as how the day after I return from Vermont I begin teaching again, and am back to work on my MFA. Plus, you know, the parenting of the children.
Basically, I ain’t makin’ no promises. (Imagine I just said that in the voice of Sam Elliott. Whom I love with all my heart and soul.)
Which comes to my first thing to share:
1.) The movie Prancer
Yes, this is the cheesy movie from 1989. But I swear to you: watch it again, look past the cheese, and your sweet little Christmas heart will swell to its rightful size. I promise. And listening to gorgeous Sam Elliot in his gorgeous gruff voice and that sexy moustache read “A Letter to Santa Claus” won’t hurt.
Here’s a taste (skip to 2:00 to hear him read the letter):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yma8WXTjhS8
I turned 12 years old in December of 1989, when Prancer came out. We rarely went to movies as a family, but when we did it was usually at Christmas time. I will never forget walking out of that movie theatre and into the dark parking lot, my family laughing and talking about the movie. I looked up into the night sky, and there was a huge silver white moon, clouds streaked across it. It was magic.
2.) New Apple Christmas commercial
Late last night, when I was sitting at my desk, my husband came rushing in with his laptop. “You have got to watch this,” he said, smiling. If this ad from Apple, called “Misunderstood,” doesn’t make you wipe your eyes or even sniffle, I’ll eat my Santa hat. (After we watched it, my husband he told me he wanted more kids.)
3.) My Christmas playlist
I love a good Christmas song. Over the years I’ve collected Christmas albums, including mixed CDs from friends and family. Here’s an eclectic list of my favorites this Christmas season:
1. Darlin’ (Christmas is Coming) ~ Over the Rhine
2. Santa Claus is Back in Town ~ Elvis
3. Ave Maria ~ Harry Connick, Jr.
4. All That I Want ~ The Weepies
5. Beautiful Star of Bethlehem ~ Emmylou Harris
6. Winter Song ~ Sara Bareilles & Ingrid Michaelson
7. Maybe Next Year ~ Meiko
8. All Alone on Christmas ~ Steven Van Zandt
9. Donde Esta Santa Claus? ~ Guster
10. Christmas All Over Again ~ Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
11. Joy to the World ~ Aretha Franklin & the Fame Freedom Choir
12. I Saw Three Ships ~ Sting
13. Somewhere in My Memory ~ John Williams
14. Song for a Winter’s Night ~ Sarah McLachlan
15. Auld Lang Syne ~ James Taylor
A very Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you all!
I stayed in my pajamas all day long, and well into the next day. (Yes, I skipped church. No judging.) They were my really cute, Victoria Secret Fair Isle pajamas. And currently fit me a heck of a lot differently than when I first bought them, but that’s okay.
I lay on the couch in my pajamas with my dog, drank copious amounts of coffee and looked at the Christmas tree while my husband did the lion’s share of caring for our girls.
See–here I am. My dog really likes it when we twine up together on the couch. Man, I love that dog.

Moving on….
It was a pretty awesome birthday. A birthday, in fact, that I would’ve completely forgotten about if my husband hadn’t reminded me the day before.
Come the end of this week, things are going to get a little nuts in my world. We take off for Christmas travels to both sets of parents/grandparents, come home for a day or two, and then I fly to Vermont for my 11-day winter residency at the Vermont College of Fine Arts, and my MFA in Writing program.
This is what I think about every time I pack for Vermont in the winter:
So, there may be no regular posts here for a bit, seeing as how the day after I return from Vermont I begin teaching again, and am back to work on my MFA. Plus, you know, the parenting of the children.
Basically, I ain’t makin’ no promises. (Imagine I just said that in the voice of Sam Elliott. Whom I love with all my heart and soul.)
Which comes to my first thing to share:
![]() |
| filmous.com |
Yes, this is the cheesy movie from 1989. But I swear to you: watch it again, look past the cheese, and your sweet little Christmas heart will swell to its rightful size. I promise. And listening to gorgeous Sam Elliot in his gorgeous gruff voice and that sexy moustache read “A Letter to Santa Claus” won’t hurt.
Here’s a taste (skip to 2:00 to hear him read the letter):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yma8WXTjhS8
I turned 12 years old in December of 1989, when Prancer came out. We rarely went to movies as a family, but when we did it was usually at Christmas time. I will never forget walking out of that movie theatre and into the dark parking lot, my family laughing and talking about the movie. I looked up into the night sky, and there was a huge silver white moon, clouds streaked across it. It was magic.
2.) New Apple Christmas commercial
Late last night, when I was sitting at my desk, my husband came rushing in with his laptop. “You have got to watch this,” he said, smiling. If this ad from Apple, called “Misunderstood,” doesn’t make you wipe your eyes or even sniffle, I’ll eat my Santa hat. (After we watched it, my husband he told me he wanted more kids.)
3.) My Christmas playlist
I love a good Christmas song. Over the years I’ve collected Christmas albums, including mixed CDs from friends and family. Here’s an eclectic list of my favorites this Christmas season:
1. Darlin’ (Christmas is Coming) ~ Over the Rhine
2. Santa Claus is Back in Town ~ Elvis
3. Ave Maria ~ Harry Connick, Jr.
4. All That I Want ~ The Weepies
5. Beautiful Star of Bethlehem ~ Emmylou Harris
6. Winter Song ~ Sara Bareilles & Ingrid Michaelson
7. Maybe Next Year ~ Meiko
8. All Alone on Christmas ~ Steven Van Zandt
9. Donde Esta Santa Claus? ~ Guster
10. Christmas All Over Again ~ Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
11. Joy to the World ~ Aretha Franklin & the Fame Freedom Choir
12. I Saw Three Ships ~ Sting
13. Somewhere in My Memory ~ John Williams
14. Song for a Winter’s Night ~ Sarah McLachlan
15. Auld Lang Syne ~ James Taylor
A very Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you all!
Saturday, December 14, 2013
Remembrances
Today I am very much remembering the Sandy Hook school shooting. Seems impossible that it has been a year since that horrific day, and it reminds me how visceral, painful and sweet the passage of time can be.
My dear Quaker friend says that when she wants to lift someone up, to remember them and keep them close, she holds them "in the Light." Today I am remembering the Sandy Hook angels and their families, and holding them oh so gently in the Light.
The families of the victims have launched a new web site worth visiting. I hope you'll stop by:
http://mysandyhookfamily.org/
My dear Quaker friend says that when she wants to lift someone up, to remember them and keep them close, she holds them "in the Light." Today I am remembering the Sandy Hook angels and their families, and holding them oh so gently in the Light.
The families of the victims have launched a new web site worth visiting. I hope you'll stop by:
http://mysandyhookfamily.org/
Friday, December 13, 2013
Show & Tell Friday: The Preparing for Christmas Edition
Happy Friday to you all!
Some good stuff to share this second-to-last Friday before Christmas! (Crazy, right?!)
1.) Michael McIntyre - "People with no kids don't know"
Lately, trying to successfully parent two children under the age of five (one of them a baby) during this most hectic of seasons, do some work, keep the house Christmas-shiny, get to every single preschool performance-choral concert-friend's party that we need to, and do all the holiday shopping, has been exhausting. I know you're all exhausted, too. In ways good and bad. Because there is hectic-exhausted and happy-exhausted.
But I digress. Last night at a concert a friend shared this link with me to British comedian Michael McIntyre doing a stand-up routuine called "People with no kids don't know." It's absolutely hysterical. And I especially like his take on trying to get out the door.
2.) Christmas Concerts in your town
Speaking of concerts: Last night my husband and I attended the annual Brevard College Christmas Concert at the Porter Center for the Fine Arts in our little mountain hamlet in Western North Carolina. If you don't know much about Brevard College--which is a small liberal arts college with a great big heart, known largely for its Music and Wilderness Leadership programs--trust me when I tell you that whenever these students put on a concert, it's a hum-dinger.
Here's a taste of the Brevard College music students and faculty, and members of TCS, directed by David Gresham and singing an African Noel (please forgive the quality--I'm no videographer):
We make it a point to get a babysitter and go each year with friends. It's a great evening, full of incredible music generously performed for free by the College's music students and faculty, and members of the Transylvania Choral Society. Afterwards, everyone gathers in gorgeous lobby of the Porter Center for punch, cake, and time to meet up with friends old and new. This is the time of year in any town, big or small, that arts events--often free--abound. If there's a choral concert in your town around this time of year, I say get thee to it, and take friends! There's nothing like live Christmas music to put you in the spirit.
3.) Recipe - Aunt Gloria's (Adapted) Killer Dip
Everybody needs a good party recipe this time of year--one that's blessedly free of all the "frees": fat-free, sugar-free, etc. This recipe is full-fat and tasty as all get-out. My Aunt Gloria always made it when I was growing up for our annual Crawford Christmas, which basically involved a whole lot of yummy pogey bait.
Don't know what "pogey bait" means? Look it up. (Hint: it comes from WWII.)
Anyway, I altered the recipe just a bit from the original, and tend to serve it at Christmas parties, football games, and New Year's weekends at the lake. Yes, it makes a lot. Yes, it's full o'fat. Don't try to halve it. Trust me: it WILL get eaten.
Here you go:
Killer Dip
Ingredients:
1 lb Original Velveeta
8 oz. cream cheese
1 lb sausage
1 can Rotel
Tabasco or Texas Pete to taste
Directions:
Brown the sausage and drain; melt the cheeses together and stir in the Rotel; add the sausage and stir together. (I do all this on a big pot on the stove. Set on low and stir frequently to prevent burning.) Serve with tortilla chips.
I dare you to take just one bite!
4.) Christmas quotations
I'm a nut for a good quote.
"Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before! What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!”
~ Dr. Seuss, from How the Grinch Stole Christmas!
“Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories and love of kindred, and we are better throughout the year for having, in spirit, become a child again at Christmas-time.”
~ Laura Ingalls Wilder
“I heard the bells on Christmas Day
Their old, familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet
The words repeat
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!”
~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
"Christmas is a time when you get homesick - even when you're home."
~ Carol Nelson
"Christmas is the season for kindling the fire of hospitality in the hall, the genial flame of charity in the heart."
~ Washington Irving
"I'm dreaming of a white Christmas,
Just like the ones I used to know,
Where the tree tops glisten
And children listen
To hear sleigh bells in the snow..."
~ Irving Berlin
Some good stuff to share this second-to-last Friday before Christmas! (Crazy, right?!)
1.) Michael McIntyre - "People with no kids don't know"
Lately, trying to successfully parent two children under the age of five (one of them a baby) during this most hectic of seasons, do some work, keep the house Christmas-shiny, get to every single preschool performance-choral concert-friend's party that we need to, and do all the holiday shopping, has been exhausting. I know you're all exhausted, too. In ways good and bad. Because there is hectic-exhausted and happy-exhausted.
But I digress. Last night at a concert a friend shared this link with me to British comedian Michael McIntyre doing a stand-up routuine called "People with no kids don't know." It's absolutely hysterical. And I especially like his take on trying to get out the door.
2.) Christmas Concerts in your town
Speaking of concerts: Last night my husband and I attended the annual Brevard College Christmas Concert at the Porter Center for the Fine Arts in our little mountain hamlet in Western North Carolina. If you don't know much about Brevard College--which is a small liberal arts college with a great big heart, known largely for its Music and Wilderness Leadership programs--trust me when I tell you that whenever these students put on a concert, it's a hum-dinger.
Here's a taste of the Brevard College music students and faculty, and members of TCS, directed by David Gresham and singing an African Noel (please forgive the quality--I'm no videographer):
We make it a point to get a babysitter and go each year with friends. It's a great evening, full of incredible music generously performed for free by the College's music students and faculty, and members of the Transylvania Choral Society. Afterwards, everyone gathers in gorgeous lobby of the Porter Center for punch, cake, and time to meet up with friends old and new. This is the time of year in any town, big or small, that arts events--often free--abound. If there's a choral concert in your town around this time of year, I say get thee to it, and take friends! There's nothing like live Christmas music to put you in the spirit.
3.) Recipe - Aunt Gloria's (Adapted) Killer Dip
Everybody needs a good party recipe this time of year--one that's blessedly free of all the "frees": fat-free, sugar-free, etc. This recipe is full-fat and tasty as all get-out. My Aunt Gloria always made it when I was growing up for our annual Crawford Christmas, which basically involved a whole lot of yummy pogey bait.
Don't know what "pogey bait" means? Look it up. (Hint: it comes from WWII.)
Anyway, I altered the recipe just a bit from the original, and tend to serve it at Christmas parties, football games, and New Year's weekends at the lake. Yes, it makes a lot. Yes, it's full o'fat. Don't try to halve it. Trust me: it WILL get eaten.
Here you go:
Killer Dip
Ingredients:
1 lb Original Velveeta
8 oz. cream cheese
1 lb sausage
1 can Rotel
Tabasco or Texas Pete to taste
Directions:
Brown the sausage and drain; melt the cheeses together and stir in the Rotel; add the sausage and stir together. (I do all this on a big pot on the stove. Set on low and stir frequently to prevent burning.) Serve with tortilla chips.
I dare you to take just one bite!
4.) Christmas quotations
I'm a nut for a good quote.
"Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before! What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!”
~ Dr. Seuss, from How the Grinch Stole Christmas!
“Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories and love of kindred, and we are better throughout the year for having, in spirit, become a child again at Christmas-time.”
~ Laura Ingalls Wilder
“I heard the bells on Christmas Day
Their old, familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet
The words repeat
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!”
~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
"Christmas is a time when you get homesick - even when you're home."
~ Carol Nelson
"Christmas is the season for kindling the fire of hospitality in the hall, the genial flame of charity in the heart."
~ Washington Irving
"I'm dreaming of a white Christmas,
Just like the ones I used to know,
Where the tree tops glisten
And children listen
To hear sleigh bells in the snow..."
~ Irving Berlin
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Magical Omens & Great Snowy Owls
![]() |
| www.birdsource.org |
It’s easy to miss, in our every day lives, our eyes so used to unnatural light, trained to the tiny things, to the rectangles of our iPhones and our computer screens.
I don’t know about you, but I hunger for the magical. For the mystic. Especially this time of year.
It’s easy to miss. Magic is fleeting, capricious, and will-o-the-wisp. It’s stepping out of your car, child in arms, on a cold, black winter night, and looking up to see stars like pinpricks of lantern light against the pitch. It’s the flash of a genuine smile from a stranger on a busy city street, the warm weight of your dog resting her gray muzzle on your thigh; it’s baby’s breath, sweet with milk, in the crook of your neck.
Magical omens, I believe, take on a bit more drama. An omen in the natural world requires that we open our eyes wider, that we blink back the doubt, rub the cynicism from our sleep-crusted eyelashes. Omens require that we really see, and then seeing, that we believe.
Over the weekend, there was a Great Snowy Owl in my North Carolina mountain town. A man in my Sunday School class told me about it: he’d been driving out in the country, along farm fields and fertile river bottomland, when he came upon several cars parked on the side of the road and a group of people standing outside them, their giant camera lenses pointing out into the field. Far out in the middle of the field sat something, the man said, that looked like a big, overturned white bucket. But it wasn’t. It was an owl–and not just any owl, it was a Great Snowy Owl. Lost on her search for food, perhaps? The birdwatchers were ecstatic: this was a great find.
Apparently, snowy owls have been appearing lately much farther south than their usual range. This article in the Associated Press says that they live in the Artic, but when their food supply–mostly lemmings–runs low, they wander.
Snowy owls have a wingspan of up to five feet. They’re huge, and easy to see. They like wide-open spaces, like that farm field, in which to hunt for mice and other food.
I wish I’d seen that owl. But I don’t need to have been there to recognize the magic of such a sighting. Can you imagine it? A huge, great snowy owl, in the center of a winter-yellow field? Surveying the kingdom with those golden eyes, fluffing its enormous speckled wings in the sun?
I can. And I believe it’s an omen. Sure, there’s a logical explanation. Every four years, scientists tell us, owls have irruptive periods, where they travel far from their normal flight ranges. (The Cherokee, by the way, believe four is a sacred number. And about owls, well, that’s a whole other story.)
But an unusual amount of huge white owls, far from home? The symbolism is endless: the rarity, the color white, the owl itself. A true mystic could take this and run with it.
I think it’s nothing less than an omen–a good, shining, magical one. A blessing for the season we’re in, and for the new year to come.
Monday, December 9, 2013
Adventures in Eating
Always keep your vacuum cleaner handy when you feed your 7 month-old. Our vacuum cleaner is patient, stealthy, and 83 lbs.
Keep a steady hand when the dog walks by.
Blame the cereal-face on the dog.
Leave the baby just as happy as you found her.
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